At the Job Interview, Your Behavior Outweighs Your Answers

Nancy prepared long and hard for her job interview. She researched the company, studied the job description, developed and practiced answers for likely questions, dressed appropriately, and arrived early. She really needed the job!

At the job interview, Nancy answered every question well.

Unfortunately, her behavior sabotaged her performance.

When introduced to the interviewer, she said, “Thank you so much for seeing me. I really need this job.” After answering one of the questions, she added, “I hope I answered that sufficiently for you. I really need this job.” As the interview was ending, the last thing she said was, “Thank you for the opportunity to interview for this job. I really need it!” 

Nancy, like many other job candidates, believed that letting the interview know she really needed the job would help her to get it.

But that’s not true.

As a matter of fact, being “too desperate” for the job is one of the most common reasons hiring managers will reject you, regardless of your qualifications. If they know how desperate you are, they will wonder to what lengths you will go to get the job—would you exaggerate on your résumé or lie during the interview? You don’t want them wondering about things like that. Be enthusiastic about the opportunity, but don’t be a “Needy Nancy.”

Here are six other behaviors to avoid during job interviews (despite the names, all behaviors apply to both men and women):

“Overly Familiar Fred” behaves like he’s best buddies with male interviewers, and flirts with female interviewers. He’ll smile, wink, joke around and try to come across as God’s gift to the hiring manager. It’s OK to be friendly and charming to a point, but there’s a line you should never cross. Professionalism is paramount. Don’t be an “Overly Familiar Fred.”

“Aimless Amy” behaves like she wants a job… and any job will do. It’s obvious to hiring managers that she doesn’t know what she wants to be when she grows up. Be prepared to communicate clear career goals and give compelling reasons why you want the specific job for which you are interviewing. Don’t be an “Aimless Amy.”

“Rambling Randy” behaves like he’s trying to win a talking contest. He goes on and on, telling personal stories and getting completely away from the point of the question. Listening is as important as talking. Don’t talk just to fill a temporary silence from the interviewer. Stories are good, but they should be relevant and brief. Don’t be a “Rambling Randy.”

“Emotional Emma” lets her feelings interfere with her performance. If a tricky interviewer insults her appearance or skills to gauge her reaction, she’ll become visibly upset—perhaps even burst into tears or hurl insults back at the interviewer. If you have a temper or cry easily—or tend to get overly nervous—focus on remaining calm during the interview, no matter what. I’m not saying you should hide all emotions; no one wants to hire a robot. Let your personality show. But don’t be an “Emotional Emma.”

“Arrogant Andy” behaves like he’s doing the hiring manager a favor by coming in for an interview. He speaks in a condescending tone when answering questions he feels are beneath him. He enjoys bragging about his accomplishments, never mentioning team efforts. He is confident that his qualifications are far superior to those of other candidates. He’s sure the interview is just a formality, and believes the job is his if he really wants it. No matter how qualified you are, it’s more important to be likeable. No one will hire an egotistical jerk. Don’t be an “Arrogant Andy.”

“Timid Tina” behaves like she’s afraid to be noticed. She avoids eye contact, speaks in a quiet voice, answers questions with the fewest words possible, and rarely smiles. When asked if she has any questions as the interview winds down, she quickly says “No,” and looks longingly at the door, eager to escape. Many people are shy; very few people enjoy being interviewed. But no matter how desperately you wish someone would hire you based solely on your résumé, it’s not going to happen—you’ll have to talk your way into the job. Force yourself to show confidence and enthusiasm. After all, you have a lot to offer! You can’t offer anyone anything if you’re afraid to be noticed. Don’t be a “Timid Tina.”

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Job Interviews Can Be a Real Bore

I'm sorry, but job interviews can be a real bore. If you get an interview with a company and have four people to meet, the odds are that two of those interviews will be boring. What do I mean by boring? Well, there are a lot of people asked to interview who don't do it very often and don't really know what to ask. There are also those that are so scripted that the candidate is forced to fall back on answers that are also scripted. If the interviewer was nervous or unsure going into the meeting and remained that way through until the end, you will be blamed for it.

Boring interviews end up in a cycle of generic interaction that leads the interviewer to neither like you or dislike you. In the post-interview meeting that most companies have, you will likely not stand out. Instead, as you are peeling off your business suit or scraping off your fancy interview shoes, you are being described as "OK", "good gal/guy" or "capable". Not very inspiring for the hiring manager and not much cover if he/she wants to make you an offer.

Whether your fault or not, you have not broken through to this interviewer. Because the interview was uneventful, even if the fault of the interviewer, you are going to pay the price.

So how can you turn a boring interview into a memorable one?

Turn the discussion around to focus on the interviewer.

In some cases, this will be a relief. They were not comfortable asking questions anyway. In other cases, they will love the idea of sharing a success or describing a key project that they led.

Yes, you have to take over. But you have to be careful. Each interviewer is different and may require a different style of takeover. Sometimes one question from you can change the entire structure of the interview, make it more personal and provide the opening for you to become more than just one of five candidates being seen that day.

How about some ideas, you say?

1. Ask the first question and keep asking.

Here's an easy one: How long have you been with (COMPANY)? Kicks off the interview as conversational and sets the tone a bit. If you sense that the interviewer likes talking, ask additional questions to better understand his/her role in the company and what influence they may have on the position in question. Once you've established a more conversational format, you can introduce key points about yourself with more precision.

2. Ask a personal question that focuses attention on the interviewer in a positive way.

"What have been your best moments here at (COMPANY)?" This allows them to share something with you and allows you to follow-up in a number of different ways. If the response is that the interviewer was critical in the installation of a new piece of plant equipment, ask him to show it to you. Oh, how an interview changes when you can get up, walk around and get conversational. You are now building a relationship and having an impact. And, by the way, everyone else you are interviewing with sees you on your walk - you look to be getting special treatment, right?

3. Ask questions to introduce your key and unique skills.

Ask a question like: Do you have a system to consistently guarantee new products will launch on time? After they answer, you are free to describe your skills here and cement yourself as someone who can make a quick and substantial positive impact. Be careful not to ask questions that could potentially embarrass an interviewer or force them to look less than strategic.

Now I hear some of you saying: "Hey, I'm thankful for every interview I can get. I need interviews, boring or not to get myself back in business!". I hear you. In times when interviews are hard to come by, your ability to make a really positive and obvious impact is crucial. You want the interview team to come in to the candidate review meeting with words like "wow", "I could see him starting here tomorrow", "that's the one we need". And those reactions won't come from a team of four when two of the four are asking standard questions and getting acceptable, standard answers. Don't wait until the end to ask your questions. You may run out of time and, for sure, you will not stand out.

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Fired? The Interview Solution

So you were fired? Now what? How will you explain it when you interview?

There are many questions that plague job seekers. “What salary are you looking for?” is a big one. “Why should we hire you?” is another. And “Why did you leave your last job?” can leave you spluttering if you were fired and don’t know how to answer. And most people don’t! After they’ve stumbled through a few answers—trying in vain to phrase it in an acceptable way—and are not invited back for a second interview, their fears are confirmed. No one will hire them because they’ve been fired.

Except that’s not what’s really happening. The problem is not that they were fired, but how they answered the question.

We don’t stay at a job our entire lives like most of our grandparents did. Not only is it common to change jobs, some believe it's the best way to leverage salary and career. While most of the changes may be of your own volition, odds are a few will involve being fired or laid-off. Companies are bought out, merge, and consolidate, which means inevitably there’s a duplication of staff. It can be as simple as the new president wanting to bring in his own team. He probably didn’t even look at your capabilities, He just decided you were …outta there.

These departures aren’t as difficult to explain. You can say: 

• “Our company was bought and the entire department was eliminated.” (It’s not me; a bunch of us were asked to leave.) Safety in numbers.
• “The new president wanted to bring in his own guy. I lasted about a week.” (It’s not me; the president didn’t even take the time to find out if I was good at what I do.) A prospective company can’t possibly hold something against you that’s so… impersonal.
• “The company was losing money and downsized.” (It’s not me; if the company had been profitable, I’d still be there!)

The common thread is, “It’s not me.” Therefore, I am not flawed, unwanted, performing poorly, or any other reason you can think up or worry about. But these types of partings, while they seem impersonal, can still have a detrimental effect. We’ll get to that in a minute.
The instances that cause real damage feel very personal, even when they aren’t. You are the only one who was dismissed, and what’s more, you know they’ll replace you. You’re caught off guard, angry, and frightened, too. In an instant, you’re on the defensive, which is usually where people remain. And that’s exactly what causes the problem.
Firing isn’t always about the individual, even though that’s who’s impacted the most. Sometimes it’s about the boss—especially bosses with issues. It might be about poor performance, but that’s not always negative. It could be the result of having different philosophies. For instance, the company may value those who work weekends, nights and holidays. You prefer to balance your life.
Once you’re fired, you can’t change the circumstances. But you can control how you view them. While departmental or companywide layoffs are easier to explain, they can also cause damage. You wonder, “If I’d been really good, wouldn’t they have found another spot for me?” In addition, you’re in an insecure place that sometimes is difficult to adjust to.
Take time to clear some tears or anger. If you’re tempted to recoil, rehash, threaten revenge or otherwise communicate with your previous employer, don’t. Remember one word: reference! Don’t burn your bridges. Leave the company gracefully.
Most importantly, detach yourself from the event and honestly examine what happened. That’s the only way you’re going to get any insight and begin adjusting your thoughts and perspective. There are hundreds of reasons for dismissal, so no pat answer will suffice. The unequivocal rule is to tell the truth. If they discover you lied, you’ll be wondering for a long time how you’ll pay your bills. So when you’re asked why you left – tell them you were fired. Forthright brevity is best. It’s all in how you phrase it. The trick is a shift in perspective, which is easier when you’ve purged the defensiveness and shame.
Don’t give a long, rambling story or blame the company, your boss, or anyone else. Were you –even partially- at fault? Take responsibility. Did you learn from the experience? Say so. Are you completely at sea as to what happened? That’s okay. Not every job is right for everyone. There are philosophical differences, chemistry problems, tough spots, and bosses who are difficult and self-absorbed.
Regardless of the reason, it wasn’t your perfect job or you weren’t quite what they needed. The great thing is that it was recognized (in whatever form) and everyone is moving on. The goal is to be real about what works for you and why the firing took place.
The first step, as trite as it sounds, is to look at it as a blessing. It may take some time to see, but no matter how bad it looks or feels, something good will come of it. Maybe it will be a better job, a chance to grow, or the realization that you hated your career – who knows?
But if you’re too busy being angry and defensive, not only will you miss the chance to capitalize on the positive outcome, but you’ll also keep experiencing negative consequences. When you're in a victimized frame of mind, you'll miss recognizing an opportunity and continue to perpetuate your unemployment.
Let’s examine two answers to the question: “Why did you leave your last job?”
HOLDING-ON HENRIETTA: I don’t know. I was doing my job. Everyone liked me. They always came to me for advice instead of our boss. When the other manager left, they promoted the assistant. She’s maybe about 28. I guess they thought she’d be good just because she’d been there a long time, but she really was a shrew. I think she hated me. She was always talking down to me. One time she took credit for one of my projects. She’s the one that should have left! I’m glad to be out of there.
OBJECTIVE OLIVIA: I was fired, actually. The assistant manager was promoted to manager because she had seniority and she was very good at her job. Unfortunately, she was young and perhaps she thought respect was automatically accorded instead of earned, because when everyone else began coming to me instead of her, it didn’t seem to sit well with her. Despite that I excelled in my responsibilities and met my goals, she let me go. I’m sorry to have had to leave the company. I learned a lot there.

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Recently Rejected? Turn It To Your Advantage!

Rejection. All of us have experienced it at some point in our lives. It never feels good. Call it what you want, but accept the fact that ultimately you lost. You were not selected. I particularly like the synonym “spurned.” That really makes you feel great, doesn't it? Got any rocks laying around that you can craw under?

So you have been rejected. Now what? How can you turn this into something positive?

I recently was courted to speak at an upcoming conference. I jumped though all the proverbial hoops and was excited about the opportunity. Then guess what happened? I was uninvited. Yes, my ego was dented. After all, they wanted me. They courted me. Something queered the deal. Was it that they didn't want to pay my fee after they offered me an honorarium? I guess I won’t know. I spent about five minutes feeling sorry for myself and trying to determine the perfect plot to get "even." Then I felt better and was back in the real world.

This wasn't the first time I have been uninvited. The secret is that if you are uninvited (rejected, spurned) you need to learn to turn the situation to your advantage. In this case, I decided to write about the experience and turn it into a positive occurrence. I realized my advice could be helpful because we all face rejection at some point. So what should you do if this happens to you?

First, don’t MOPE. You can feel sorry for yourself and plot for exactly five minutes. After that, get over it! The spurning probably has nothing to do with you or is something so obscure it’s not worth the effort to try and figure it out.

Second, see rejection as an opportunity. If it didn't work out this time maybe it will the next time. Many times when we are rejected, we have a sense of guilt or obligation (especially if you have done a lot preparatory work as I had in this circumstance). Use that energy and emotion to your advantage. Is there other work or different opportunities that you can leverage? Are there other programs where you might be a fit?

In my case, the advance research I did on my topic demonstrated to me that there could be dozens of other conferences that would be interested in hearing me speak. I love the proverb that says when one door closes another will open.

Third, try to establish a bond with the person who has rejected you. If this won’t work now, is there another place it will? Can they refer you somewhere else? Will they tell you the real reason you didn't make the cut?

Finally, be prepared to laugh about the rejection and turn it into a funny personal sound byte. It’s not the end of the world. If this was your first or only rejection, you must be really special. You should send the rejecter a funny card. Send something with humor that will make them feel good about rejecting you (kidding). Send them something that will lighten the moment and make them remember you. You have to know that rejection is not comfortable for anyone – even the rejecter. It’s important for them to have a good feeling about you after the fact so that they will call you the next time they need someone with your expertise.

What about dealing with rejection when it comes in the form of a big fat “no” to your sales pitch? Before you become disillusioned when door after door is closed, consider the law of averages for a sale. After all, you are selling yourself aren't you? The average sales person completes 20 calls to make one sale. Yikes! That's 20 appointments. Did you know that it takes a minimum of seven repetitions of a message before someone assimilates that piece of information?

There is probably no worse ego crushing rejection (skip the ones in your love life) than the one associated the job search. How many resumes do you have to send out to get one call back? Consider this before you get all depressed about the job search. It takes, on average, six months to get a new job. Add to that the rule of thumb that for every $10,000 of salary you can add one month to the job search. So prepare to be turned down most of the time. Always remember, however, that rejection can open a door too. Just because they say no now, doesn't mean they mean no forever.

Here are a few ways to nudge that door open a little faster when you have been rejected for employment:

• Make sure to follow up after you have the interview. Especially if you are told the position went to someone else. My favorite technique is a clever card with a great message. I have created a series of cards for just that purpose. My personal favorite is “I think I bombed the interview” and it has a big bomb on the cover.

• Continue to keep in touch. The person that got the job may decline it or it might fall though. Continue to send relevant articles, news clippings about the your success, the company or upcoming industry conferences, (especially if you are speaking) with a short note. A word of caution: don't go overboard. You are keeping in touch and soft selling yourself, not bombarding them with information.

• If something significant happens to you such as an award promotion, etc., make sure to write a press release and send a copy to all the job contacts.

Rejection will happen throughout your life and sometimes it can be disheartening. However, with these simple strategies you can overcome future obstacles and keep rejection at bay.

1) Share your story with others. You are not the only one that has had a "rejection" experience. The more you can talk about it the more it will diffuse the feeling. It can become a funny story or icebreaker when you are in a group of associates. It’s akin to my "Big Head Bio" story. After relating the experience of how I was accused of having a big head, I turned the negative into a positive and gained a relationship at the same time.

2) Find someone whose opinion you value and relate the experience to them (don't sugarcoat it). Ask them to critique what went wrong (if something did) or make suggestions of how to handle the situation next time.

3) Work out alternative rejection scenarios in your head. The more you become comfortable with it the less likely it is to take you by surprise should it happen.

4) Put yourself in the rejecter’s shoes. Was there something that caused to situation to occur or was it just happenstance? Above all, don't take it personally. It’s a business decision that didn't turn out in your favor.

5) Last but not least, get back on that horse. Seek out a better job or a better promotion. There is always another opportunity waiting in the wings.

It’s the perfect time to start your campaign against rejection. The holidays allow us to send cards and token gifts without recrimination. Put your creative hat on. Don't just go out and buy a box of holiday cards. Be clever. After thanks giving I scoured the stores for a clever memento. Turkeys are a perfect door opener. I found the perfect item-honeycomb turkey place cards at 50% off. I can't imagine what I am going to do with them, but something will come to me. In fact, there are quite a few people I have lost touch with during my recent move. I’ve got it! I am a turkey for not staying in touch. The place cards are fat with a place for a personal message. When they arrive in the envelopes (orange of course) I know the recipients will open them to see what's inside. This is an inexpensive yet creative way to say REMEMBER ME and forget about the REJECTED ME!

When I started my career on the packaging industry I was just a lowly underling with no possibility for advancement. I tried all the "company touted" ways to advance my career to no avail. I was frustrated, disappointed and disenchanted about why no opportunities came my way. I was an excellent worker, on time honest and a top performer so why couldn't the "powers that be" recognize that fact?

It was because I don't understand how to package myself. I didn't know that hard work and good performance DOES NOT equate to career advancement. YES, that's right a good performance does not mean that you will get promoted or a raise.

Visibility is the key: who you know and who knows you is the magic door opener. And only you can make that happen. How much personal marketing have you done? I bet its not much. Its a methodical process that requires a commitment each and every week. And we all know how time crunched you are. But what if you have most of the work done for you and marketing yourself was as simple as filling in the blank.

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